Man's Laughable Beard Leads To Laughable Theology

The Goodly and Good Reverend Doctor Jeff Hood recently announced, through an interview granted to Chuck McKnight of The Hippie Heretic on Patheos, that his beard reflects his Trinitarian theology, or perhaps more poetically, that his Trinitarian theology reflects his beard.

Hood, who holds seven bachelor degrees and seven times seven graduate degrees, as well as a doctorate in Queer Studies, said that his theology has changed over the years. It is now "patchier, scragglier, and growing out of some queer places."

A former competitive bearding champion and judge, who at his request will not to be identified, was asked to evaluate the quality of this theology when compared to other more traditional Christian theologies.

"Traditionally, Christian theologies have been evaluated for their robustness, truth, fullness, curliness, cuddliness, and even softness. Given that the Reverend Doctor's theology is harsh, stringy, patchy, and a bit too red, it's difficult to even call it a theology. Still, one judges the whole ensemble, and I have to admit that those horn-rimmed glass go really well with the enlightened look he's trying to pull off."

The Reverend Doctor has said of his growth, "Well, I have seven undergrad degrees and seven times seven graduate degrees, so I think this is about as full as it's going to get. I see other guys out there will theologies growing from their chest to their eyeballs, but I find that such theologies don't concern themselves with the needs of men whose theologies grow only on the margins."

This article was written by Joffre the Giant, a former bearding judge and champion.