1. Buying a big impressive billiard and realizing that it's too long and heavy to clench.
2. Lucite. It looks so good but it feels so weird.
3. Discovering that pipemaker just a month after everybody else and realizing there's now a three-year waiting list.
4. Seeing your friend with a pipe from that same pipemaker.
5. Thinking the 320 looks badass but not wanting to get the same pipe as everybody else.
6. Deciding how many to open now and how many to cellar.
7. Deciding last Christmas to cellar a tobacco for five years, but being really tempted to open it this Christmas.
8. Deciding bamboo stems aren't actually that cool after all, but not finding anyone who wants to trade with you.
9. Never having long pipe cleaners for your churchwarden.
10. Where...did I put...that stupid...pipe tool?
11. ...and where did I put my keys?
12. Skipping breakfast in favor of a morning pipe.
13. The subsequent need to poop.
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