Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Last Person to Identify Himself as Federal Visionist Finally Decides to Drop Label

MOSCOW, ID -- Pastor Douglas Wilson, known in evangelical circles for his many books on marriage and family, recently announced that he no longer wished to be associated with something called Federal Vision.

"It was something we were all talking about fifteen years ago," said a spokesman for Pastor Wilson’s office. "A bunch of people got really mad. Man, we went through so many copies of the Westminster Confession. I remember there was that one guy who said we’d all become papists, then converted to Catholicism himself." 

"But that was like, before mySpace. These days, there’s a lot of justification and objectivity of the covenant stuff we like, but mostly we’re not really talking about that stuff anymore. We’re not sure why he didn’t just let sleeping dogs lie."

"I wonder if Doug’s going to move to California," he added. 

As of press time, the only people who seemed to care were early-twenties Reformed men whose beards were still coming in. It was observed that many of them were Baptists, but they had plenty to say about Covenant theology anyway.

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