Divorce Selfies Are A Thing. What Would My Caption Say?

If you're gonna get divorced, which is inevitable given the meaningless of our lives and the native selfishness of the human organism, best to do it cheerfully. When your time thriving together is past, make like a fat man's pants and split.

Here's a story on people who take selfies outside courthouses to celebrate the happy deaths of their marriages. Tomorrow there will be no resurrection. "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

Which is exactly what I'm going to tell Kimberly and the kids when I get home today. I'll thank Kimberly for all the kids, that was nice of her. She could have passed on her genes with someone else, but she didn't. Still, at the end of the day, it didn't mean that much. Obviously. I mean, I'm smiling here. I'm sure she will be too. Then there are the kids. I'll say to them "Welcome to co-parenting!" while explaining to them that Kimberly and I will be parenting partners, assisting them as they grow into adults who will one day be able to verbalize the feelings of bitterness and self-doubt they feel today: "my parents broke our family apart with a smile."

Help me decide what caption to put below our divorce selfie! Here are my top choices so far...

1. "So long, and thanks for all the fish."
2. "Longest and best one-night stand of my life!"
3. "You were good, but not that good."
4. "Smile, we're all ultimately alone in a world without God!"


  1. Definitely #1.
    Lie back and let your marriage dissolve around you.


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