Did you know that every time you drop a comment on a Joffre The Giant post, I silently judge you? It's true. Then I decide if your comment was worthy of a Best of the Year post. And good news, dear reader. You made it. Because your wit is sharp and your nib is pointed.
I garnered these from this here blog, my YouTube channel, my Twitterz, and my Facebook page. But not my Instagram or Pinterest, because that would have been too much of a pain. Also, I had to stop reviewing comments on YouTube before I got to June, so if you said something brilliant in April, tough tooties.
Go ahead, my friend, read on. Enjoy your own cleverness.
And thanks for commenting, guys. Seriously. I value your feedback. Only a tiny fraction comment, of course, but that tiny fraction really motivates me. Special kudos to the YouTube guys, who do not hesitate to drop a dime.
"As a Christian we don't kill, so no on the Hitler. I'm also a libertarian. That Chicken looks awesome."
"Yes your still doing videos"
"Absolutely one of your best. Just like all the others."
"Just reading that article has quickened my epiglottis."
"Dude, you should have recorded this a second time without the fleck of cheese. I just couldn't get past it."
"Typically I just beat the heck out of the stache with hot water and soap."
"Tonight I realized that I now prefer IPAs to stouts. I'm somewhat conflicted about that. Until it passes, how should I handle it? Drink only Old Rasputin until I remember why God made beer?"
"I cannot hear that you aren't famous because you are famous."
"I cannot accept that I have been wrong; so, so much for your chart."
"Cheers to the minty fresh beard; recommended by 4 out of 5 wives."
Wisdom Junkie, YouTube
"I'm guessing I'd have to buy the book, but what is the Christian way to smoke tobacco?"
"Your wife is wrong..."
[On pipe names] "You know, I can appreciate that Balzac gave us realism, but I don't want anything called 'the Balzac' near my mouth."
"I like beer and I like cake, but I don't feel any need to associate them."
"I wish men would go back to being dapper and especially the wearing of hats."
T. R. PufnStuf, YouTube
"So...we should embrace immodest women!"
"I've actually had a big mouth full [of tobacco spit] before. Accidentally picked up wrong bottle...yeah, not good."
Subdog Millionaire, YouTube
"I am kind to animals, and am also a meat denier."
Ziggy Phenox, YouTube
"It's never occurred to me not to breast feed. That's what I have breasts for."
"I used to work for a company who always trumpeted the fact that they were a Christian business. Dress code was strictly no beards though."
Legend of Wayne, YouTube
"Canadians smoke a pipe in the great outdoors to keep mosquitoes away."
"Doing a review of 'Gentleman Caller' topless... as though nature (and the sunshine) were your newborn child with whom you desired to bond skin-to-skin. Nice. Though - the best quote of your video was at 8:07 where you say 'Hey - I'm in the mood for a gentleman caller.' Someone less scrupulous might save your video and cut out that clip (out of context of course) to roast you at a later time."
Gup Piper, YouTube
"As someone who found a path to my faith through Dungeons and Dragons, I can happily agree with the points you've raised."
"At least part of the problem is that we don´t build churches like that anymore - we build halls. Even some of the terrible 'worship' music would sound great with the right accoustics and the right arrangement."
"As a child, my motiviation to go to Sunday School was the promise of the coveted Happy Meal from McDonalds."
Wisdom Junkie, YouTube
"I don't mind suffering through your unedited videos..."
"Dude, I heartily agree with your ranking. Nothing beats an F4U-1D, unless of course you're lucky enough to score an F4U-4."
"I agree in principle, but lately I've been so weary of deliberate and cheerful blasphemy/obscenity, I've lost the taste for bawdiness."
"Welcome to the BROTHERHOOD! Joffre the Giant wearing a kilt - WOOHOO! That really made my day!"
"I prefer to call them pedophile kidnapping rapists."
"Pipe smoking is for contemplation, as is toilet time. Plus for pipe smoking: Your legs don't go numb while simultaneously solving the worlds problems and enjoying a pipe."
"Perique is the cilantro of the pipe world. That is all."
"What's with pipe smoking and christianity? I mean really, here almost the entire pipe club I'm a member of, are kinda christians, theologians etc. Including myself. There is a pattern for the pipe smokers, beards, knives, christianity all pipe smoking forums are alike, same topic, same kind of people, I begin to worry. And it's the same everywhere."
"I understand your criticism of the side hug, but we short people appreciate the side hug. At a mere 5 feet tall I struggle with regular hugs (sometimes even from my husband) because my face lands smack in the middle of the chest resulting in suffocation and much discomfort and awkwardness. It's bad enough being extremely short, please don't suffocate us."
"I can't believe that if you were going for a Nascar moustache you'd take Dale Earnhardt over Richard Petty."
"As always n interesting video, but my concern is how fast u eat!! U guna give yaself an ulcer!"
MJ S, YouTube
"I think the last time I went to the dentist was around 10 years ago when it was still free for my mum to take me. Since then I haven't had a problem that a bit of Ibuprofen hasn't solved. I've noticed that people do seem to consider it something of an outrage that I don't have regular dentist check ups, but haters gonna hate."
"Fucking great post. Shit, I've rarely read this good an explanation of the fact that sin lies in the heart, not in the words that are used."
"1.You seem a bit tipsy, which I quite like. 2. I feel inclined to try some of that 'bracing' beard oil myself."
"As someone who has had serious dinnertime discussions with my family about the events in the Startrek timeline or World of Warcraft lore, I'd agree that stories are vital. A whole lot of what I know and understand about God and the world comes through stories."
"Che wants that hat back."
"You guys can adopt me before my next birthday."
"For what it's worth, dogs ruin lives way more than kids..."