Why Are We Living Together Again?

Paul F. Tompkins, whose style I adore, and John Mulaney talked about many things on Tompkins' YouTube show, Speakeasy. Most of the video is about stuff I don't really care about, but so enjoyable are the two of them to watch that I watched all twenty-five minutes of the show.

At one point (right here) they discuss getting married. Tompkins said that even after living with his girlfriend for years getting married was an immediate change. They agreed that their relationship was a lot more powerful, and the word "wife" much mightier than "girlfriend".

Mulaney mentions that now he feels like he is looking after his queen. "Oh, that's my queen. I have to look after my queen."

"Wife is good. I like the word. Do you like saying the word 'wife'?"

Can I be forgiven for wondering why the heck people live together in the first place? I suppose as an arrangement for regular sex it has more dignity than hooking up, especially if you are thirty or forty years old. I don't think I'd have the emotional tools to pull it off, though. I'd either very quickly need to marry her or need to kill her.

Someone explain this to me. And don't say "practice" or "we have to make sure she's the one". I somehow think that's not how Tompkins or Mulaney would explain it.


  1. I agree with you in that living together before marriage never seemed like a good idea. I think those thst do it would say that they want to be sure they're compatible. I guess that's reasonable if by compatible you mean that your bathroom schedules don't conflict. But if by compatible you mean that you have similar world views, beliefs, and goals, I don't see how living together will help with that. I think the daily struggles with the little difficulties of sharing a home would more likely get in the way of any real discernment of long term compatibility.
    And, by the way, I also very much enjoy Paul F. Tompkins, John Mullaney, and Speakeasy. Another of my favorite online searies is Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Jerry Seinfeld. God bless.


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