When Life Simply Can't Wait

Did you know that the Piedmont of North Carolina is a national center of condoms and condom dispensers? You've seen all those Hygeia condom dispensers in gas stations around the country; perhaps you've noticed that the company is from Kannapolis, North Carolina. Now imagine how weird it would be to be peeing, look over at the condom dispenser, and realize you're in a gas station in Kannapolis right now! This is the place the condoms come from! Suddenly the whole place feels like a gas station bathroom to you. I had that experience once. Fortunately, Salisbury, North Carolina, the home of Cheerwine soda, is just a few miles down the road. If anything will help you feel pure and clean again, it is Cheerwine straight out of a glass bottle, which even the gas stations in Salisbury have.

"When you place a Venworks Hygeia condom machine inside your store, you’re doing more than earning a profit." You're saving humanity. Read their sales pitch to learn more about saving humans through condoms.

Just an hour up the road from Kannapolis is Greensboro, home of Protocol. Protocol also offers dispensing services to help you, the gas station owner, both turn a profit and help humanity. Amazingly and wonderfully, and really the reason I am writing this post, their motto is: When Life Just Can't Wait.

Some of their machines sell Tylenol and candies, and they are found in bathrooms, soaking in the miasma of public toilets. Sometimes life just can't wait for a mint. I understand that.

But really Protocol is about the prophylactics. Condoms for when life just can't wait. Condoms for when it's time to mate.

You wouldn't want to actually make a baby when you mate, would you?! That would be ridiculous! You wouldn't want your life to be about life. No, sir. But if you find a female temporarily willing to let you masturbate in her, definitely grab one of these fine Protocol products. Guaranteed to stop babies for her pleasure.

May I be so bold as to suggest a new slogan: Protocol: For When Life Simply Must Wait.

Or perhaps simply, "I will not be your father!"

Who are you talking to, Darth Vader? The life that might have been? The life that had to wait, and never will be. Darth had so much potential. If only he had made sure to kill all the potential younglings when he was with sweet Padme...instead, he ended up being a father, and all his plans were ruined.

Trying not to laugh...

Did you know that the word "prophylactic" is Greek for guarded, actively guarded, pre-guarded? If you look it up in the dictionary there is no reference to children or contraception. The word refers to the prevention of disease. Diseases like gonorrhea or pregnancy.

Your life and Life are not the same thing. If you worship your life, you worship death. If you are selfish, you worship death. If you buy a gas station or night club condom, or sell them, you are worshiping death. We live in an even tawdrier society than the ancients with their shrine prostitutes.

Motion has nothing to do with life. Whom do you serve?


  1. The whole things smacks of 'cover up'.

    I've never been to N. Carolina. Maybe someday (I hope).
    It sure sounds like a place where the rubbers meet the road.

    And the downward spiral continues.

    I guess we really are in dire need of a Savior.


    1. I see what you did there. And there. And there.

  2. I'm not sure I understand your change of heart on this issue. In a previous post you mentioned that you and your wife use contraception, but now you're bashing those who do and claiming they are using women to masturbate? It's alright to use contraception once you've had children with a woman or what?

    1. We're using birth control right now, since you ask. :-)

      If you're buying a condom at a club or a gas station, you're almost certainly going to be "masturbating". I think you missed the point of this post.


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