An Earnest Christian Solution To Side Hugging

Ah...the side hug. I remember those days. I mean, Baptist Campus Ministries was my jam back in those ol' 1990s. You know the side hug. It's that thing where brothers and sisters in Christ greet each other with modest displays of affection, eschewing pectoral contact.

Side hugs, this song claims, are the best. Side hugs are kind of awkward, as the song also points out, in a more artistic fashion.

I'd say that I'm here to propose an alternative to side hugs, but realistically, I can't see the white people of Evangelical America getting into my idea. So this is strictly theoretical.

My alternative to side hugs: kissing.

Yep. Kiss those ladies, lads.

Are you familiar with the girly "air kiss"? Something similar to that. This video displays it admirably. Now this video is made for females, so I think you should cross out steps 4 and 5. But steps 1 through 3 are pure modest Christian gold.

This, my bearded friends, is how I greet my sisters in Christ. And other women too. The best thing about it is that it's sincere and enthusiastic, but there's not touching! Except for maybe my fuzzy cheek upon hers. What can I say? I'm just a kissin' fool with a passion for modesty.

Let's you and I quietly boycott side-hugs. Not because we hate them. But because there's something better out there.


  1. I understand your criticism of the side hug, but we short people appreciate the side hug. At a mere 5 feet tall I struggle with regular hugs (sometimes even from my husband) because my face lands smack in the middle of the chest resulting in suffocation and much discomfort and awkwardness. It's bad enough being extremely short, please don't suffocate us. :) LOL

    1. That's funny. I'm 6'9". I almost mentioned that I still engage in side-hugging with short women, but thought it would be distracting.

      Thanks for commenting!

  2. You brought your concern to the right man Unknown.

  3. I was disappointed that he didn't scoop up his cat to give it a side hug


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