If you read this blog with any regularity, you know that I'm an enthusiastic pipe smoker. Like many pipe smokers I have a personal blend, the recipe for which can be found here. The tobacco is called Chocolate Manhood, mostly to make my friends uncomfortable. It is honestly named, however. It tastes like powdered cocoa. And it's a third latakia, which means that if you weren't a man when you started smoking it, you'll be a man by the time it's done.
As an aside: may I object to people referring to it as "Boda's Chocolate Manhood"? I'm pretty proud of the name, and, selfishly, would like it to be referred to as "Joffre's Chocolate Manhood" or "Joffre the Giant's Chocolate Manhood". The problem is, I've been referring people to Boda for years, although the recipe is incredibly simple and can be ordered online. I'm happy for Boda to have the extra business, but it would be sad if the smoking public, by pure force of momentum, ended up giving the name to them as well.
Anyhoo, off my hobby horse.
Back to the topic at hand. Say "Joffre's Chocolate Manhood". Yep. Hard to say without a smile. A couple of readers asked me recently about the blend's name, which got me thinking of other funny pipe tobacco names. Here's a list.
Hit me back with any I might have missed.
Hit me back with any I might have missed.
1. Drew Estate Meat Pie. We'll start off slow, with a name more cute than funny. Cigar house Drew Estate launched a pipe tobacco line a while back. Unfortunately they're nearly all aromatics. The Meat Pie is not an aromatic, thankfully. I think. Actually, it could be fun to have a tobacco aromaticized with a meat pie perfume. Anyway, Meat Pie does not live up to its name. It has a reputation as being a good, or even very good, traditional English blend. But it does not taste like meat pie. Know what does taste like meat pie? Sam Gawith's Finest Kendal Twist XX. You need a lot more aged Virginia than the Meat Pie has in it to taste like meat pie.
2. Cornell & Diehl Kajun Kake. Get used to seeing the name Cornell & Diehl. Three of their tobaccos made this list. They make an effort to be amusing, which I appreciate. They also have some of the most fun label design in the biz.
Kajun Kake is a classic red virginia blend touched with perique. Perique is grown only in Louisiana, hence the Kajun. Red virginias, by the way, taste like Tabasco sauce, which is awesome, and reinforces the cajun connect. The label design takes it the whole thing from smile to laugh.
3. Cornell & Diehl Gentleman Caller. Now this one makes me happy. The phrase "gentleman caller" makes me think of slow, pleasant evenings. Add to that a label that makes it clear our gentleman is an older man, high in the scale of senectitude, I grow even more happily relaxed.
This is a burley blend, which I don't often smoke. I've never had this one. It does get good reviews, for what that's worth, featuring a little perique and virginia in there besides the burleys. Most interestingly, it contains deer tongue, an aromatic plant that decades ago was mixed into cigarettes because of their vanilla scent. That's obviously done chemically in modern cigarettes, but Gentleman Caller goes old school. Of course.
4. 4Noggins Bald-Headed Teacher. Nice. And try not to picture Walter White. We all know he wouldn't smoke a pipe. Bald-Headed Teacher is another burley blend, but this one features latakia and virginia, making for a well-rounded nuttiness instead of the acrid walnutty thing I'm afraid of with burleys. BHT is a truly pleasant smoke.
|Not Mr. Potapoff.|
I'd like to be able to tell a story right now about the only bald-headed teacher I ever had. Unfortunately I have no stories. But I am grateful to Mr. Potapoff of Highlands Junior High for taking the time to run chess club.
5. Dunhill Baby's Bottom. This and the Gentleman Caller are the only ones on this list I haven't had. So this is here simply on the merits of its name. It must be extremely smooth.
6. Cornell & Diehl Exhausted Rooster. This is a virginia rounded out with fired burley and spiced up with perique. It's got a sweet nutty thing going that's very nice ("sweet" in the "not that sweet, it's not an aromatic" sense).
Why is the rooster exhausted, you ask? Well, for the obvious reason. Check out the label. Knowing that makes this smoke seem relaxedly post-coital.
7. F & K Merde de Cheval. This is a straight light English blend, very reminiscent of Presbyterian (which people keep generously gifting me due to my religious identity). Both are unexciting and unremarkable. Well, except for their names. And the Merde de Cheval goes all out. It is, perhaps, the greatest tobacco name ever. Or would be, if it were a deep dark brown virginia that made us feel like we just might be smoking merde de cheval. Unfortunately it's a breakfast smoke, something to go with a cup of coffee.
For the non-francophile, I will at last enlighten you: it means "horse shit".
Again the Kendal XX makes an appearance. It looks like poop.
Good night, all. Happy smoke.