Seduce A Woman In 5 Easy Steps!

Hey men, are you frustrated by the lack of sex? Whether you're married or not, living in your mom's basement or a penthouse, my formula guarantees results in five easy steps. And best of all it's free!

This is my foolproof formula for seduction. If you follow this step-by-step process, I guarantee that you will get laid. Not only that, you will succeed in seduction again and again. This process will work on nearly every woman! So just pick out the woman you want to have sex with and get started with this patented procedure.

If you do each of the following things, you are guaranteed results. Further down I will discuss the meaning and implementation of each.

  1. Find a woman.

  2. Bring the romance.

  3. Tell her you'll commit.

  4. Seal the deal.

  5. Move on to your next seduction.

A couple of notes before you dive in. You must follow these steps in the exact order they are laid out in, you must perform all of them for results, and you cannot step back in the process. Each step lays the foundation for the next, so that you must continue to perform each preceding step along the way.

1. Find a woman.  This is not the trying ordeal it is often made out to be. Nearly half the humans on this planet are female, and all around you are many to be found both nubile and fecund. You definitely want nubile and fecund, for reasons that will be discussed later. Look for a woman who is even-tempered, and not given to believing that emotion can carry a relationship of the sort you have in mind. This will not be as hard as it seems, since women have historically been a more practically-minded race than men. If you are able to pair up with a woman who is less "romantic" than you, all the better; you are more likely to achieve your goals if she thinks you are the romantic.

[caption id="attachment_9161" align="aligncenter" width="313" caption="These women all appear to be nubile and fecund. Excellent."][/caption]

2. Which brings us to bring the romance. This is the second phase in our plan of seduction, but for better or worse, this phase runs throughout the rest of the process. Even as you move through the steps, getting closer to achieving your goal, you must never cease to bring the romance. This is why it was so important to find a woman who was "less romantic" than you; if you failed to do so for whatever reason (women often have hidden depths of romantic sentiment which their practical side suppresses), you must ratchet up your levels. The key to romance is expression. Expression of love, of affection, of the heroic, of the mysterious, of the ideal; all these are from the definition for "romantic" at Merriam-Webster. Flowers, an intimate touch, a note, a poem, professions and confessions. These you must bring and bring constantly. Train and discipline yourself to do so. You will be moving one step closer to our guarantee. At that point you will see that Merriam-Webster's fifth definition of "romantic" is quite accurate: "conducive to or suitable for lovemaking "

[caption id="attachment_9162" align="aligncenter" width="207" caption=""Hey girl. Is this love, or is this fantasy?""][/caption]

3. Now that she is being romanced, she is ripe for the next step, tell her you'll commit. Women want, or are told they should want, some sort of "commitment" from their men. This is often a way for them to feel better about putting out. Some men whine until they get something out of their women, but this is a poor strategy that is liable to break down, since it undermines the preceding step. Remember that you are a romantic, loving and heroic. A hero promises and delivers. It is imperative that you make her think you are committed. As this is a go-for-broke plan of seduction, I recommend that you make the ultimate promise, and you'll be ready to seal the deal!

4. Seal the deal. People often think that women are shy and modest about sex, but actually this is not so. In my experience when you seduce a woman, she prefers not to have sex for the first time in a motel after a dinner date, but practically in the company of five hundred of her closest friends. And since we're seeking to create optimum conditions here, this is how you'll finally get into her bed. Write letters to hundreds of her friends and hundreds of yours announcing that you will soon be having sex with the woman you targeted. Make the same announcement to her parents and yours. Have a pastor announce before God and the hundreds of people that you are initiating a sexual relationship.The moment you have been working toward has arrived! Take her into a private room and have sex (ancient peoples used to walk into the closest tent).

Of course, now that you've done what you set out to do, it's time to move on. Move on, my boy, to your next seduction.

5. Move on to your next seduction. Remember that all these steps are integrated into one process, which, as you practice them, will become smoother and smoother. These steps also, as I have said above, rest one upon the other, so that if you remove any, the whole collapses. Therefore when you move on to your next seduction, you must target the same woman, and implement the same steps you just followed. Continue to find her, bring her romance, tell her you'll commit. You will find that you will seal the deal again and again, even into your old age.

[caption id="attachment_9160" align="aligncenter" width="268" caption=""I can reach her boob from here.""][/caption]

Getting back to the sort of woman you chose: you picked out a nubile woman, and exploited that by marrying her. And you picked a fecund woman, which means that you may elect to make new humans when having sex.

You're welcome.


  1. Excellent advice... very funny, but totally legit! And those captions had me laughing out loud :)


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