Fantasy Sports Is Corrupting Your Tiny Little Mind!

Actually, I don't know if you play fantasy sports. Or even if you have a tiny little mind. But really, dude, don't worry about it. You know what they say, it's the motion in the ocean. And anyway, with the whole perspective thing it probably looks smaller to you than it actually is.

I've always opposed the playing of fantasy sports because it would rob me of most of the joy of watching sports. Sure, I'd be invested in a lot more games, but do I really want to keep attentive track of the game between the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Seattle Seahawks just because I picked up Maurice Jones-Drew? And then there's the nightmare scenario of pulling for a player on the other side of the field from your team, just because I really need a win in my fantasy league this week. It was bad enough for me when Tebow (I'm a Gator, and I just straight-up love Tebow) went up against the Patriots (my NFL team). Now that's coming up again next week and I'm conflicted. I feel like fantasy would put me into that frame of mind regularly; I don't like it.

But I'm sure your corrupt minds have found a way around these issues. You're the fantasy vets, not me.

Well, what about this?!?! Huh? What do you say to this?! A fantasy basketball player coming to terms with the fact that he forgave NBA player Kyle Lowry for what was really only a light case of assault in Las Vegas. The writer's description of his relief that Lowry hadn't beat down some prostitutes is hilarious; and sums up perfectly the problem with fantasy sports.

[caption id="attachment_9206" align="aligncenter" width="357" caption=""I've been hit in the face by a ball before. I say, shake it off, girl!""][/caption]

This definitely takes you a step deeper than the charity and sympathy you extend to a player for your favorite real team (a la Rothlisberger in Pittsburgh, say). They may be your favorite team, and you may really want him on the field, but you manage to keep perspective because it's not you, it's your team.

Well, with fantasy, it's you.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe fantasy sports is a great way to build understanding and forgiveness for those most heinous of sinners, sports general managers and team owners.


  1. Have you read: "The Universal Baseball Association, Inc., J. Henry Waugh, Prop." by Robert Coover? I read it almost 15 years ago, but it still is one of the most powerful books I've ever read about fantasy sports and the worlds that the "real" players create around it...before online fantasy leagues were even invented.

  2. No, sounds fascinating. I hadn't realized people did this before the interwebz.


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