Ye Have Heard It Said, Men Need Variety

It is common wisdom that men are programmed, by biology and society, to crave sexual variety. And although the research is a little more subtle than this, pop science states that this first manifests itself in a desire for many partners, and if the man is eventually corralled, he will want to cheat. Women understand that if they want to keep their man, they need to keep him sexually interested, primarily through "variety".

This article from LifeScript ("Healthy Living For Women") illustrates the point perfectly. After opening with a "they’ve evolved the desire to be with different women" blast, the second part of the article gets to the meat, because this is something women can actually do something about. Men are "unhappy with their mates", and we learn that

“Ninety-nine percent of the time, there’s a simple reason why: boredom,” says Steve Santagati, author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date and Mate – and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top.

Boredom. That's the dread word. Men must be kept from being bored, or they will certainly cheat on their women, and perhaps, like the slaves to their lusts they are, leave their wives and kids. In Christian circles, the suggestion is often made that it's more the wife's job to keep the husband faithful than it is his.

One of the destructive things about this way of thinking, from a female perspective, is that men are little more than beasts, at least when it comes to sex. But I don't want to talk about that.

I do want to talk about the problem that emerges when Christian men buy into this way of thinking. A lot of discontent in marriages is credited to "not enough variety". Variety, variety, variety, whatever that might mean. Husbands believe that they're built to need variety and change, so they expect that it's their right to have this variety; and if it's not a right, at least the wife ought to be sympathetic and understanding and give that variety. But that doesn't happen. So she's a prude. And she won't try this. And it's boring. The sex and everything that goes with it is always the same, and because of that, it's joyless.

Boredom, boredom, boredom. Thinking about cheating.

Here's the problem with that thinking.

What if you liked her? What if you liked your wife? Would you cheat on her? Would you find a sexual routine joyless? Would you ask her to do things she didn't want to do? What, after all, if you liked her?

If you've read this far, you've probably heard a pastor or somebody talk about not demanding fruit from your spouse; instead, when love waters the tree, unexpected fruit pops up. So what if you liked her?

More to the point, lads, is this: you can complain all you want to about lack of variety. We all know that's not the problem. Because we all know you'd happily rock exclusively missionary position for sixty years, then keel over and die with a smile on your face...if you liked her. And that's got the backing of science.

Doggone it, I like her.