Now I know that no aspiring musicians (let it be understood that by "aspiring musicians" I mean "wannabe rockers") read this, so I'm just saying my piece in order to get that piece off my chest. And I need to; I bear the searing wounds of another open mic night at Common Grounds.

If you really want to sound like Dashboard Confessional that's fine, with the monotone melancholy and the chance to unload to the tune of a couple of guitar chords. But if you're going to play something with Spanish rhythms, something a little more pum pum pum, then please get a little rhyming into your lyrics (can they even be called that if they're not lyrical?). Obviously I'm no antifreeversereactionary (see below), but everything's got to fit to form. Tight, rhythmic tunes? Tight rhythmic lyrics. That's what I ask.

Maybe a little something like (sing to any drawn out whiny tune, fitting words to music as you like):

My girlfriend dumped me and rained me with curses

I went home and wrote down some seventy verses.

I know I should have combed my hair, it's quite the indie mop.

Its weight just keeps on dragging me down, I don't know how to stop.

It's true I'm sad and melancholy, I don't know how to quit.

But how could I, when I could die, choked by cherry pit.

You never know when you might have to drink the bitter cup,

So I'll innoculate myself, by doses, and definitely not grow up.

But maybe you won't take me back if all I am is mopey,

So I guess I'll rhyme predictably, and say, I'll quit being dopey.

I know I need to get you back, I'll do anything in my power.

I'll comb my hair, I'll tie my Vans, I might even take a shower.

Now that could fit a flamenco. And I know it makes no sense, but who's competing?